The Neptune Block: A Question of Free Will

[Neptune] was found in the expected place, but it has turned out to be a misfit there: scientifically speaking, it is in the wrong place, thrown there by the chaos in the solar system.

-The Secret Lives of Planets by Paul Murdin

This is more of a divination post than an astrology post, unexpectedly. I wish I had preserved my examples, but alas you will have to endure retellings instead.

This whole thing started the solar return before last when my SR ascendant was in Pisces and Neptune started showing up soon after my move to California. I actually have no idea if that's relevant, but I am mentioning it just in case and anyway it contributed to a temporarily increased interest in the outer planets. It did lead to some synchronistic observations, like perceiving Neptune as sort of a mermaid non binary trans feminine energy and then later on seeing that the queer-focused dating app Taimi listed "Neptunian" as a tumblr-esque sexual orientation where the person is only attracted to feminine and non binary people. But otherwise... Neptune is illusory as literally any astrologer who uses her will tell you.

However, she has some sort of function in divination that has proven useful. The first time I noticed it, I had casted a horary chart to find my solar-powered Merkury earbuds (recently lost permanently RIP). Neptune was on the MC and intuitively came out strongly in the chart despite her not factoring into traditional horary at all given that, well, she wasn't discovered until 1846. Looking at the chart, there was kind of the sense of "you have lost these to the fog." Later on, when I had made a sort of emotional breakthrough on a topic (*cough* man) I had unnecessarily tied a heavy association of those earbuds to, I mystically recovered them from a place I had already checked.

Soon afterward, I performed a paid cartomancy reading for a friend partially using the oracle deck The Stars Divine by Alejandra Luisa León. The friend's query regarded whether he should purchase a course from an occultist and what the outcome would be if so. Among the pull yielded the Neptune card.

I glanced at it. "I don't think this will be beneficial. This card is about missing the overall point of things and having it here says to me that taking that course would not contribute in a way that makes sense to your life direction."

Admitting that the course was a distraction from something deeper going on, my friend ended up not purchasing it.

Similarly, the card Reverie? in Prisma Visions tarot comes up when I ask about taking a route that I never end up actually taking. Whether it's about not giving my dog up to my ex when it's the most practical thing to do or cutting out someone I love, either Neptune or Reverie? or something associated with her is there. You can dream all you want, this symbolism says. But you're not actually going to go there.

Others are disturbed by the concept of lacking free will, but the fact is I have tried to "go there" and it has consequences. Once, triggered and in a traumatized rage, I went to hex a family member and found myself struck by a fatigue so severe I could not rise from my bed until my mind had changed. This was possibly just my own spirits taking matters into their own hands, as they have needed to do more than once. But it has happened again and now others in my life are reporting it too, even when they want to do something important. There's just this... block.

I believe that the world moves in the way that is in the image of the Gods and their righteousness. And so even when there is heartbreak, I must commit to the idea that this block exists in order to preserve the possibilities that are best for all of us, "us" being perhaps literally everything within the universe. I can't detail the situation in which this is currently causing me great pain, but I pray that the block lifts. Or at least I pray that I can accept that it is just not time yet.