Testosterone Update: Identity through Hair and the Expense of Transness
My hair has taken a beating my entire life so I am particularly protective over it. I was born in the 1990s with curly Jewish hair. It was assumed to merely be wavy because it wasn't until a few years ago when curly hair care reached peak awareness that I saw my hair was comparable to other people's Before photos. As a child, my parents taught me to brush and blowdry it like straight hair, which damaged it so that it blew up into a frizzy mane.
As I got older, the other girls in my summer camp found it perplexing that I "didn't care for my hair," which is ironic because in that era the way you did that was through flat ironing. I did end up flat ironing through my teen years, mostly because my parents liked the look of it, which meant I avoided criticism about at least one thing. It is amazing what you can believe you prefer when your upbringing's "feeling good" is more centered on having avoided being treated poorly rather than what you actually like or enjoy. For that reason, a lot of gender transitioning and neurodivergence unmasking contains rediscovering what "good" truly feels like and who you are from it.
Moving to Southern California in my 30s freed me in many ways, but not from hair woes. I experienced a lot of stress, which probably impacted my hair, and age may be a factor as well even though people with bodies like mine tend to see hair thinning more in their mid-30s. In addition, the water is terribly hard here, which is harsh on both skin and hair. My hairline receded, something I didn't hate initially because it provided more masculine framing for my face.
But then I started testosterone a couple of months ago and things quickly became a mini-crisis. Dying my hair red recently illustrated exactly how much I was shedding on a daily basis and my crown and temples were starting to show it. A couple of days ago, I was relieved to find my scalp finally regrowing baby hairs after taking these steps:
- Reducing my daily 20mg of testosterone gel back to 10mg* ($15 with insurance)
- Continuing my twice daily minoxidil application ($50 at Costco)
- Purchasing a trial of Spoiled Child Hair and Scalp Serum ($5.95 for now)
- Applying a deep masque treatment ($38, although I also got a free one from the Spoiled Child package)
- Obtaining a bottle of castor oil ($12 at CVS) and a packet of fresh rosemary ($2.99 at grocery store)
I gave an offering of vodka to the rosemary, prayed for her help regrowing and strengthening my hair, then put her and the castor oil in my slowcooker for an hour to infuse. I then added some of the infused oil to my shampoo, which I use to wash my hair every other day. The shampoo itself is from Prose ($31.13) because it was marketed as helpful for protecting hair against hard water and is supposedly designed for other environmental concerns based on my region. On the days I don't shampoo, I massage my scalp directly with the oil for at least one minute.
I outline all these details because maybe they'll be of help to someone who is on testosterone**. In addition, it's important to show all the increased expense and labor that goes into a medical transition. When trans people talk about this, they often refer to surgeries costings 10s of 1000s of dollars, but I am not planning on getting any of those. Still, you will notice that all of these products are pretty goddamn expensive.
Testosterone increases acne on the face and body as well so in many cases skincare regimens also need to be overhauled and acne solutions discovered. I have fortunately not needed to do this yet, but I dread that it will happen because the only person on this Earth who has more sensitive skin than me is my brother. As a result, this is my current skin regimen:
- $21 Cerave Hydrating Facial Cleanser for Balanced to Dry Skin at night
- Twice daily $24 La Roche-Posay Toleriane Double Repair Face Moisturizer which does not fully get the job done OR this $88 Spoiled Child Moisturizer which I got for free so I hate that it works
- $42 but apparently I could get cheaper CLENZIderm M.D. Pore Therapy for acne
- $27 La Roche-Posay Anthelios Clear Skin Dry Touch Face Sunscreen when it doesn't make me break out
Testosterone also makes people hungrier and hornier, so my grocery bills have gone up while I have also included some more exploratory expenses.
The more "optional" expenses for trans masc people are vocal lessons (sliding scale $45 to $75 per week for me), a new wardrobe ($300+ my first anti-dysphoria shopping spree), binders if you have chest dysphoria ($37 at gc2b), and packers and their holsters if you have groin dysphoria (I cheaped out with a Mr. Limpy for $22 and put him in an old sock + safety pin). Piercings and tattoos are also often involved because a lot of trans mascs are alt-styled (I blame Saturn as both the trans planet and the goth planet). The new wardrobe came last year for me because I couldn't tolerate the dysphoria without it. I am currently taking weekly vocal lessons because a lifetime of talking in the higher part of your vocal chords creates a habit that can damage your voice as those chords thicken while you're on testosterone. And while I am holding off on my next tattoo, which will be of a very boobalicious Dark Magician Girl from YuGiOh! on the back of one of my calves, I allowed myself the pleasure of finally getting 2 eyebrow piercings and the Monroe piercing I have wanted for years.
ANYWAY, as of the publication of this blog post, Venus will be in Leo. That means really good things for all of our hair, if you want to take advantage of that timing. It also probably means really bad things for our wallets. If you want to save money, don't be trans or have Venus in Leo as a natal placement, I guess! Happy exalted Mesopotamian Venus season!
*I'm unhappy about this because I feel better on 20mg, but even with microdosing my body absorbs T really fast and the goal is to reach a point where I can pass for either of my genders so YMMV
**For those of you with lower budgets or do not have natal Leo stelliums that demand 4+ scalp and hair products, trans masc YouTube touts this solution, which is a shampoo that like Spoiled Child contains rosemary and biotin. Basically, your choices for the DHT cycle are rosemary and biotin and/or minoxidil with possible finasteride
