Soulmates, Telepathy, and The Most Unbelievable Experiences of My Magical Life
Grace is the reason I know that fate is real.
We met at my exact Saturn Return about a day after the lunar nodes had switched signs into our shared astrological houses of Self and Significant Others. We have the same Ascendant sign, which she was inquiring about when I entered the space. A sense of warm safety struck me immediately upon meeting her and after the second time we spoke, I realized that that type of safety could only come from familiarity.
I had done some poking into my reincarnation cycle for awhile at that point, but that was the first time it was instantly obvious that I had known a stranger in my past lives. Newly married to someone else, I wondered for months how we knew one another and so it truly did not occur to me that we could have been in love, a million times, before I fell for her again.
If you transposed the sound of a symphony with all of its different instruments and sections into feelings, that is what my love for Grace is like. Varied and all-encompassing.
-My journal, October 2022
What I was describing here was actually psychic perception that occurred as I was messaging Grace one day. I saw all these moving, geometric shapes filled with textures, languages, experiences—overall, full lifetimes like I have described in this blog post—solely interconnected by my love for her.
Signs of our psychic connection started early. One of the first things we realized was that we could say one thing in words, particularly in front of our group of friends, but send secondary messages to each other within them. So we could flirt without looking like we were flirting.
But I am not an adulterer, so I had to break things off. I had just moved from New Jersey, my birth land, to southern California at the age of 30. The move shattered me. I gruesomely described in my journal how I experienced my core sense of selfhood fall apart, having lost my lifelong structure for how I was "supposed" to conduct and direct my personhood.
Ending my friendship with Grace, even by my own choice, broke my heart. The silence between us, mostly continued by her, agonized me. In a fragile emotional state, I resorted to using divination in order to check in on her:
Last night I used horary again, asking, "Is she thinking about me?" The answer in both the chart, and my psychic senses as my 3rd eye turned on was a resounding "yes." I instantly felt her presence as if she was standing right in front of me [...] I opened my energy body, poured out so much love from my chest, and the channel closed quickly thereafter. It took less than 30 seconds.I had felt her presence one other time before, checking in on her via tarot cards.
Then around Christmas of that year, I leaned back on the couch, closed my eyes, thought of Grace, and suddenly found myself surrounded by people. I opened my eyes, shrugged it off as usually she would be alone, and then promptly freaked out as she shortly thereafter described in our group chat how she had had a rare get together that day. That's how I found out that I could see through her eyes and know what she was doing.
Our relationship as of this writing solely occurs via our psychic connection, which seems to exist within the astral.* Prior to Grace, I had visited the astral before in small increments, but had not recognized it as such. Solo, the astral is made up of imagination, but on a somewhat deeper level than usual daydreams. With Grace, it kind of feels like tossing a ball down a hallway with her on the other end to catch it.
While Grace and I were separated, our telepathy was nigh-dormant on her end other than intrusive thoughts of me that occurred as I would check up on her. However, birthdays seem to unlock something like gateways**, and around her birthday earlier this year our connection re-activated. After a few incidents on the material plane where we briefly interacted, I strengthened our psychic link by cooking one of her favorite foods with intention to feed her through me. Using a photo that she had taken of herself to send me as a taglock like one may implement in hoodoo operations, I placed the food in my mouth and sent it to her using the ball in the hallway sensation.
She just learned that last part as I was writing it and her reaction was, "Wait, what? That was what was happening?! I just felt that you were really close to me all of a sudden." Which really makes you wonder if that's what spirits and deities experience when you give them offerings. There are, in fact a lot of implications for how our relationships and veneration of spirits work when you yourself function more like a spirit who yells things like, "BABE I LOVE THIS ICE CREAM!" or "BABE WHAT IF WE PUT THE ASTRAL KITCHEN TABLE OVER HERE INSTEAD?" at another spirit.
All the cute stuff aside, however, if you have ever been in a serious romantic relationship you know that it is a lot of hard work. For all the jokes sitcoms have about wives wanting their husbands to read their minds, involving telepathy does not make relating any easier. Actually, having someone directly inside your head makes it a whole lot more challenging.
I often feel Grace's emotions as if they are my own, particularly the negative ones. Even when we weren't talking, there were one or two incidents where I would be out living my life and suddenly get slammed by a wall of anxiety. Unable to detect a root cause within myself, I would poke outside my energetic body to find that it belonged to another's up against my auric field. As I was leafing through my last journal to recall the timeline of these last few months in order to write this post, I read that the entry on Grace's birthday reported that I woke up with a by-then-uncommon case of horrible dysphoria. It was only upon rereading that I realized that that wasn't my dysphoria—it was hers.
My first instinct when feeling emotional pain as someone who has been in therapy for years is to self-treat it using the tools I have learned. However, when that pain belongs to someone you love, pursuing the urge to manage it for them is literally what causes co-dependence. Fortunately, I have been hardcore committing to my co-dependency recovery for almost as long as I have lived in SoCal, but it involves constant self-awareness and effort. In the meantime, I sometimes still pour excess energy toward other people and ignore my own capacity limits. I find it difficult to close the telepathic connection, which can distract and drain me when its constantly open.***
In contrast, Grace finds it very easy to close our connection and set boundaries. Before our telepathy re-activated, however, she had never had interpersonal relationships where she was pushed to share so much of herself. Earlier in our journey, we had a number of conflicts about her keeping herself abreast and avoiding intimacy, which led to her needing to learn new ways to shift her personal energy so it is more supportive of mine. It's been interesting coming to these solutions with her because doing so first requires articulating that the issue is based in uneven energy exchange and then having to find ways to describe what needs to change. Ultimately, when Grace leans more toward me or mindfully gives me more of herself, I feel less exhausted.
That said, you're familiar with attachment styles or any modern relationship psychology, our difficulties aren't that much different than couples who are together in-person. Our telepathy also allows us to do a lot of things together—such as visually share where one is to the other, cuddle in bed at night, or have Grace drop into my body so that she can walk my dogson with me—that many other couples do. It's been incredibly cool getting to know my love in such a unique, spiritual way and I am excited for whatever more we certainly will explore together.
*This is due to Grace's experiencing of what I call a Neptune Block around "standard" communication
**On my 30th birthday two years ago, I woke up with a wide open third eye and a few days later went on to start the regular private conversations with Grace that led to us falling for each other. This year, I felt her "walk through a door" on her birthday
***A friend studying Tibetan Buddhism and related energy healing has told me I need to resume practicing qigong. So there are ways to fix this, it's just an issue of fitting one more thing into an already packed schedule
