Relating to Others As A Spiritual Person
Back in New Jersey, I did not tell most people that I was spiritual. Between my parents' inability to support my creativity throughout my life and my now former spouse's disdain toward the metaphysical, I got the message that the things most important to me were the least safe to share. Although I eventually started reading tarot at a local shop and had a couple of friends I shared some vaguely spiritual interests with, much of my deep diving was kept to friends I met on my witchcraft and occult Discord servers.
Many practitioners have this issue—an exciting, faith-based, magical life, but no one to share it with. What historically made my personal situation more difficult when it came to socializing with fellow metaphysicians was that as a Jewish person, I have needed a proactive sense of safety in an interest field that is rife with white supremacists. And then, admittedly, I have pretty high standards when it comes to making friends. Nominally, I like curious, intelligent people who don't buy whatever the nearest hippie is selling, prioritizing critical thinking and fact checking in a world that's decaying from lack of it.
Then when I eventually did find that community of friends—on Hermetic House of Life—I ultimately ended up divorced.
People who are married to non-practitioners will tell you, it's not easy. There are many differences in values that have a real effect on practical day-t0-day living. One memorable example happened early in my spiritual explorations at the beginning of the COVID-19 pandemic when I found myself experiencing crushlike feelings for one of my gods. This was surprising to me, as the mainstream conception of deity devotion is so limited I did not realize at the time that even several important Christian thinkers have expressed erotic feelings for the divine. I consulted with other spiritual friends of mine, who assured me it was normal, and then tried to have a conversation with my then-fiance. But there was no way to have a real discussion in which ground rules and definitions were established. In his paradigm, I was interacting with only my own layered fantasies instead of a living force that objectively existed outside of me and interacted with me regularly. It was unclear if I would be cheating if I pursued my urges and so I only ever did after my marriage ended.
Figuring out how to relate to people after a divorce is always interesting because you go from being part of a unit and having a go-to person for every little thought, need, and challenge that crosses your path to spending a lot of time alone. But being alone was preferable after being stifled for so long. Currently, I may have swung a little far in the other direction as I live openly as an occultist now in California and don't get close to anyone who doesn't bare minimum accept that there is More in this world.
It does, admittedly, narrow the playing field a little bit. Not long ago, I visited Portland and met up with Erik from Arnemancy. We talked about how leading an esoteric life made things a bit awkward when it came to conversing with nonbelievers and that the dating pool was limited. Being queer, I have managed to make a good number of lightly to highly spiritual friends where I live as well as have flexibility in how to get my various social needs met. But meeting people romantically has been surprisingly slow despite the number of spiritual people in my area.
Having only ever had two serious relationships, I'm starting to realize that even before my entrance into my 30s and such massive changes to my self-perception, not many people cross my path in that way. But also... maybe that's okay. Now that I am wiser, I have been trying to be more intentional with all of the ways that I relate, and I don't want just any next relationship. I want someone who I can negotiate boundaries with in the event I also get into a relationship or have an intimate interaction with a spirit. I want someone who doesn't frown upon making decisions using divination. And I definitely want someone who is never going to dismiss my astrological studies. I want my next relationship to be polyamorous, queer, and literally magical.
