Non binary People Are Annoying and Other Hot Trans Takes
This post is NSFW.
Okay, I don't think non binary people are annoying, I was just pissed off earlier this week by two people who happened to be non binary like your beloved blogger here. Also, the title of this blog post is somewhat ironic because I hate hot takes. They literally exist to get people heated, hence the "hot." But they have become so normalized that even the queer community app Lex does something as stupid as to make a "hot take" tag that people can temporarily use. As someone who is ruled by a Gemini Mars, I know that is one way to make people who share a small local community hate each other.
Also, as that Gemini Mars native this of course meant that I promptly got into a fight with someone on Lex.
There is a person who goes on that app regularly in my city who has been in the kink community for 20 years or whatever. Like anyone who gets super into a specialized niche they can be a prescriptive asshole about it. I say this, do note, as someone who can be a prescriptive asshole about the occult and other spirituality.
Genius's hot take was "you're not kinky if you're a male dom and a female sub because kink requires subversion of norms and that's just normative."
As someone who has topped and dommed a trans femme multiple times, I commented on this, asking, "What if they're trans?"
"What IF they're trans?" the poster replies, apparently too stupefied to click on my profile and see that I am also trans. "It's the same. Trans men are men and trans women are women."
OKAY WHOA WHAT LOL
THAT'S NOT WHAT PEOPLE MEAN WHEN THEY SAY THAT!
It is obviously true that trans men are men and trans women are women, full stop. However. That does not necessarily mean trans men and trans women are the same type of man and women as cis people are! In fact, the entire point of currently living as a non binary trans man is that I am not a cis man and I do not want to assimilate to mainstream conceptions of manhood. I would argue that even trans people who "go stealth" or pass are not the same type of men and women that cis people are because their journey to get there looked different. It is an advantage to not be cis because you are inherently questioning and redefining gender by sheer creative existence. Normative people hate that shit!
You cannot tell me that when I am having relations with a trans women that that isn't inherently transgressive and that our kink isn't kink, even if our way of feeling affirmed while having sex looks like a performance of traditional gender roles. Many cis people do not want to see trans joy. Many cis people do not even want to see trans people exist. We are not continuing the subjugation of women by men by discovering pieces of ourselves in the bedroom that we happened to not find anywhere else.
This kind of thinking is completely unimaginative, never mind that using it to excuse gatekeeping is punitive and limiting toward other trans people. The fact that this person is also non binary kind of blows my mind because you would think there would be an inherent understanding of overlapping identities and liminalities that are in brave defiance of cultural norms. Nope! Somehow no matter what men are bad, women are victims, if you don't do something to the exact ideal I believe in then you're wrong.
Anyway, I guess this is my first official foray into trans inter-community drama! I fucking hate it!
