Meditations on Saturn Transit on the IC

Generally, I try not to share too much of my chart especially this publicly. I hang around a group of very traditional occultists who would advise against it. If you see someone's full chart, you can easily perform malefic magic that will cause a significant amount of damage. So I won't get as detailed as degree, but I will tell you that Saturn is transiting my IC very closely in this retrograde cycle.

A few months ago, I talked about how defeated I felt in recognizing that I would be unemployed for awhile. One of the astrological practices I have found most profound is using Saturn for hindsight in order to understand one's life patterns and look forward with more clarity. I saw this period as a repeat of one of the most traumatic periods of my life where I was very unwillingly unemployed and lost all sense of self-worth thanks to it.

Turns out, this echo could not have had a more different and more positive impact on me, which goes to show you that while things are always the same they are never exactly the same throughout life. Instead of feeling lost, I feel like I know myself better than I ever have. I have been able to invest in myself as a person like never before. I can go through my medical transition and all of its inherent complications with as much space as I need. I have also fulfilled several lifetime and longtime dreams such as attending singing lessons, learning a little American Sign Language, building out my apothecary (calendula tincture in progress in post photo), volunteering at an LGBTQ center, and returning to writing fiction.

Earlier this week, Saturn hit 12 degrees Pisces, which is where she will soon station direct from the retrograde arc she has transited since June. Since then, I keep getting moments of, "Oh, this is what life is about." Holding Grace in bed in the morning. Spending more time with my dogson Laddie as he reaches the last years of his life. Having my voice teacher say that I have made more progress in one lesson than she had ever had one student accomplish. Receiving my lyre in the mail. Finishing a fantastic writing session. Becoming overwhelmed by grief followed by a wave of closure on the acupuncture table.

My 20s were all about going as fast as I could, trying to scramble up a corporate ladder I hated and treating all my relationships transactionally. Still, I always rush. I sometimes risk my safety, admittedly. I'm not as careful as I would like to be. But Saturn transiting this area in my chart has her advising me, "You can slow down. You can take a breath. You can realize what you actually value."

My calendula tincture, which I started making because its the only thing I had on hand that would treat my dog's ear infection, is going to take weeks. It won't be able to treat him this time around, but I will have it for years afterward for many applications. My singing will take years of focus to sound good. So will my playing of my lyre. But I'm not looking for instant gratification anymore. I am excited to learn how to do all the things I want to do with my life. To make mistakes and either meet new people and borrow their expertise in the course of fixing them or find my own innovative workarounds.

I want to live in a way that is so different from what I grew up with in the northeast. I want to forgive myself more. I want to understand others more. I want to take deep, slow breaths. I want to act from intention. I want to try something new every day. I want to live one real fulfilling beautiful life for the rest of my life.

Thank you for supporting me in this by reading my blog. I am so grateful for you and your presence on this Earth.