Life Updates and When It's Great to Be Wrong
Entering into 2024, it seemed to be all about love and relationships. That's what Twitter astrologers espoused, anyway. Frankly, looking at my transits, I thought so too and so did my astrologer and tarot reader. Venus and Mars finally reconnected in Aquarius a few months ago after never completing a conjunction halfway across the zodiac in Leo last summer. Jupiter was in my 7th house of significant partners and hit a Uranus conjunction, cazimi, and Venus (in domicile) conjunction all in a few weeks. I really thought, and really wanted, all of this to point to me entering my first relationship since my divorce.
Instead... for the first time in my life, I don't want to be in a relationship. I'm too busy being in love with myself.
During the cazimi, I noticed my first change on testosterone and it was bottom growth. Bottom growth is when the clitoris grows to be more like a penis. This was a change that was my highest priority as apparently the only person assigned as female who ever thought "Yes that's correct" when they heard of Freud's penis envy theory. Call me a Scorpio Rising, but I see genitals as just another part of the body and it is important to me that mine has certain features. I love my body so much more now that it is reaching completion.
Shortly afterward, my vocal teacher and I found my voice. People who are socialized as female tend to talk from the upper cheeks and throat. People who are socialized as male and naturally go through testosterone puberty where the vocal chords thicken and the voice drops tend to talk from the middle cheeks and with a different throat shape. Turns out, I experience a hell of a lot of euphoria talking from the middle cheeks and when I listened to the recording of my voice my teacher made as my voice evolved through the class, I cried.
A third change I have noticed is something I have historically found admirable in other people, mostly cis men. I am not sure if it's exactly testosterone-based, it could be a combination of that and my advancements in therapy. I'm hitting a new level of asserting myself like I never have before. I choose not to engage in conversations that seem like they will be aggravating and unproductive, I can easily recognize and process triggers, and I am able to articulate my expectations for how other people should treat me.
For that last one, I also don't spend a lot of time managing other people's emotions anymore. I don't have capacity for it, for the most part. I have heard from some trans friends that early transition naturally makes you selfish because you are figuring out who you are and what you actually want out of life. Weirdly, I do know what I want out of my life after almost 3 decades of knowing almost nothing about myself. It's just that I want to spend this transition time focusing on me, enjoying my life as I continue to experience major physical changes. That has led to a lot of busyness—job hunting in my preferred sector, volunteering at a local LGBTQ center that I love, planning my move in 2 months, creating my classes for a metaphysical store, considering an application for my dream MSW program, and writing, so much writing.
I'm thrilled Jupiter in my 7th turned out to not at all be about romantic and sexual relationships because what I got was so much better. I met new people, made new friends, and realized I have standards for whom I want to be close to me. I finally saw how much self-work I have been doing and watched it pay off in growth, realizing that I need the other people in my life to put in that same work. I learned how to be authentic to me, manage my own emotions, and that I am unable to do the same for others. I can only invest in those who share the same values of community, compassion, and thoughtful communication and want to go the same way as me.
Jupiter just recently entered Gemini, which is certainly going to be a much different adventure. Gemini, as one of Mercury's signs, is inherently a queer sign. I can't wait for my trans life to expand in more trans ways. I am so thrilled and grateful to live in this time.
