Apollo, Aegis, and Lessons in Divine Relationships

Recently, I saw on Instagram that Merriam-Webster's Word of the Day was "aegis." The first image defined the word as "protection, guidance, sponsorship" as granted by a larger entity or individual. That's my relationship with Apollo, I thought.

There is a popular concept in pagan and polytheist circles of a deity serving as an individual's "patron." The implication is that the patron deity is the sole or primary spirit who leads and supports the practitioner. Apollo is no longer my sole god so I am not sure I would call him my patron, but he holds such a special place in my heart and life I couldn't say he's not my patron. I initially pursued paganism because I wanted to find a way to worship him and my life has been undeniably happier ever since I started. Apollo himself was the first being to show me divine, unconditional love. "Whatever you want to offer is good with me," was one of the first messages he conveyed to me once I finally first had his shrine set up a few years ago. Since then, his role in my life has been one of variety. He has been my guide, my teacher, my champion, my savior, even my lover.

I lead my life on the concept that I want to be an Apollo avatar, dispensing his good qualities as much as I can within this life of mine. So as I am starting to consider how I connect to other people in this new era of me, I think about Andie Nordgren's call in "The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy" to find my core set of relationship values. In doing this, I want to incorporate Apollo's lessons to me and show the others in my life the quality of aegis. These are the 5 values that I wish to follow:

1. Integrity: Apollo does not need my worship nor even my acknowledgement in order to exist. If I were to stop worshipping Apollo tomorrow, he would be fine (as nightmarish as it would be for me) and continue making change in this world. While recognizing I am a human being and therefore socialization is a basic need, I must understand that I am my own individual, I have inherent value, and that I have the power to make positive impact both within myself and in the external world. This means doing ongoing work to ensure that I am understanding and supporting myself adequately as well as pursuing ongoing self-improvement.
2. Selectiveness: I can't say for sure why Apollo chose to have this relationship with me, which started and evolved all seemingly instinctually. It could potentially be because like him, I am very solar energetically and have special interests in creativity, healing, and divination. In sharing values with him, I potentially put more of him or his power into the world. Similarly, I want to be in partnership with people who share values and aims that are compatible with mine. Also, I want to spend time with those who naturally invigorate me and which there is a reciprocal boosting/strengthening.
3. Truthfulness: In my communions with him, Apollo has always been honest and factual with me. Even when I did not entirely love the truth, he gave it to me because to lie would obscure my path in the longer-term, make it harder to heal, and damage my connection with him. With my own relationships, even if the truth may make me vulnerable, I want to be truthful with others so that there is equal understanding of context when we navigate decisions and challenges.
4. Expression: Apollo has encouraged and brought out of me numerous works of art, including several collages and at least one in-process fiction. He has explicitly asked me to prioritize my creativity ahead of other areas of my life because doing so is the closest thing I have to a purpose. In my relationships, I want to be closely connected with other artists and have those people provide support, feedback, and collaboration for artistic projects. In doing so, I am hoping to undo decades of learned shame in how I speak and present myself, as well as show the larger world a vision of transgender heartfulness.
5. Righteousness: In the sense of acting from a base of morality or justice. In ancient Greece, Apollo represented the religious law of Zeus as well as the systemic law of the state. For Roman society, in Virgil's Aeneid, he is one of the major deities who pushes Aeneas toward his destiny so that Rome can be founded and the greatest amount of Good can be distributed to mortals. I want to select my closest relationships carefully, made up of people who are passionate about building a better world. Doing so requires from both myself and my chosen others the ongoing work of learning about systemic oppressions, how to recognize and undo biases within ourselves, and to brainstorm and commit to improved ways of being and interrelating. For that reason, I want to look out for my peoples' best interests including their growth, supply information or context they may not yet have, and gently provide more compassionate or holistic ways of thinking.

How all 5 of these values relate to "aegis" is in the feeling of giving and receiving protection and guidance to and from those who are close to you. This quality is most recognizable when we fall in romantic love and someone becomes our special person. Their health, contentment, and ambition naturally becomes an extension of our health, contentment, and ambition. However, this quality can also extend to non-lovers, either with friends you have a natural affinity for or those whom you have spent time developing a closer connection. In spiritual viewpoint, it is what Apollo and I have for one another even as our relationship eclipses all human categorizations due to his divinity.

With aegis, I intend to apply everything positive one ideally receives in a family of origin to a (queer) found family. This is to intentionally question the notion I was raised with that blood family, even one that does not see nor understand you, is the only refuge. It also bucks societal norms in defining what family and relationships are, which is done in a purposefully restrictive capacity in order to devalue human life and isolate individuals in order to leave us more vulnerable to economic exploitation. Aegis is the antidote to seeing other people, and beings, in utilitarian means. It accepts the need for social survival within a framework of kindness and justice while acknowledging individual capacity. Ultimately, it is taking Richard Tarnas' definition of the primal world view, the "radical permeability and embeddedness with respect to the world" of the self within it, and applying it in practical and relational ways (Cosmos and Psyche, pg 18).

In living with aegis, I hope to establish a new foundation of my life that is social, artistic, and sustainable. With Apollo's love, protection, and guidance, which has found me so much fulfillment even through periods of great turmoil, I will build a life that is so much more beautiful than the one I had before, where I followed others' material scripts.

(Happy Sun hour of Sunday, as of this writing!)