Curing Loneliness Through Magic
I am fairly adept at making friends now—and even more importantly, maintaining the connections—but that was not always the case. My early childhood years commonly found me isolated from my peers due to severe social anxiety that accompanied my neurodivergence. I could see that other people had rules in interaction, but I couldn't naturally understand them. I learned how to mask via being rejected, gaining the sense that I was inherently unlikeable as a result. It took almost 30 years of life before I regained my sense of selfhood and was able to find and make friends who matched my newfound health.
Studies have found that people, particularly cismen, would rather electric shock themselves than quietly think while alone. The mental health field is concerned about the so-called Loneliness Epidemic and has found that loneliness has physical consequences as well as emotional. However, unlike most mental health issues where you can see a doctor or build better habits, other people are not within our control. When we "make friends" we can't force it.
But! It doesn't hurt to cast some magic. The loneliness problem may truly be modern because I have seen little historical spells that target companionship outside of romantic relationships. So I wanted to provide the four spells below if you need a little aid on making new friends. Feel free to customize!
(One last thing... I am going to remind you that magical efforts work best in enhancing ones that are mundane, meaning that follow-up action should occur once these spells are cast. That means once you clean up, look for local events and groups to join or download a friendship app or become more active in a space you have already visited.)
Spell 1: Stele of Aphrodite
An exception to the lack of historical friendship spells is the Greek Magical Papyri’s VII 215 - 218 Stele of Aphrodite, which is to be used “to gain friendship, favor, and success with friends.”
Take a strip of tin and engrave on it with a bronze stylus. And be sure you are pure while carrying it.
The nice thing about this spell is that it’s relatively easy and, unlike other spells within the PGM, does not require animal abuse nor the use of human remains. I recommend abstaining from sex, intoxicants, and stress for at least three days prior to making the tin engraving—even better if you make the tin on a Friday, starting on Venus hour.
Spell 2: Venus Work
Speaking of Venus, this one was stumbled upon incidentally. My friend Anali wanted to crochet a couple of leaves and ship them out to friends. She made them green intuitively about Venus, but left it up to the recipients to decide what magic to use it for. On a Friday on Venus hour, I prayed to Venus after offering the usual praise and incense and asked her to bless the leaf and make it good for attracting friends. The leaf usually lives on her part of the planetary shrine, but on lonelier days I would take it with me to put under my pillow before bed. The new, and good, friends came mere months later.
Spell 3: Petition
You could also try a petition as I did a number of years ago. I grabbed a new sheet of printer paper, a colored pen chosen out of intuition, and I wrote to my spirits:
“Dear [Specific Spirit Team],
I want a group of friends made up of thoughtful artists, activists, and intellectuals. They should have leftist political views and feel passionate about social justice. I desire great conversations filled with expansive ideas and sharing of creativity. The people who surround me should be queer, trendy, and compassionate. I wish to love and be loved.”
This worked, but it took a few years to flourish and involved me moving to California, probably because art and activism largely confuses New Jersey. This was an early spell and I had not learned yet that because I was doing little art and activism myself and had little access to spaces of people doing the same, the spell had nowhere to take root.
Spell 4: Sigil
This is more of a revision of Spell 3 now that it has succeeded. In this case, I am slightly less concerned with attracting new friends and want to include focus on deepening my existing connections. In doing so, I want to keep in mind my three basic standards:
- My friends should be spiritual
- My friends should be invested in the betterment of the self and the betterment of all
- My friends should be restorative justice and accountability-oriented
You may notice that this round is less about who my friends are and what they're into and more about shared ethics. This is because shared values is what leads to long-lasting, sustainable connections. I have also reached the point in my own journey that my energy feels wasted around people who have not worked on themselves.
I am choosing to create a sigil* for this effort because it’s built on a previous spell that is more specific. If I make too many additions, the magic won’t have any room to work so abstract seems the safest bet. I shall report back on results.
As a final note, please remember that you are your first friend. This does not mean you can make up for the human need for socialization or provide for yourself all that others can give you. However, it does mean that if you know how to care for yourself, you will better teach others how to care for you.
*I recommend my friend Reverend Erik Arneson’s class on Renaissance Sigil Magic whether you need an introduction to classical forms of sigil-making or crave a refresher. For a more artistic emphasis, I recommend Laura Tempest Zakroff’s book “Sigil Witchery: A Witch's Guide to Crafting Magick Symbols”
